I Know I Should Accept it, but I Can't Right Now

As you know (from my first blog post) i'm in a production of "The Music Man". I'm in the ensemble as an adult. I love playing older than i am, but sometimes it bothers me that people that are older than me are playing teenagers in the show. I mean, i am a teenager, you know? It bothers me that I look too old on stage and in real life to play my actual age, which is 17. Even if/when i lose weight, i'll still look too old. I'm also 5'9", which is pretty tall for any woman at any age, so that also makes me look older.

I guess what started my thinking about this was the fact that i didn't get into the production of "Hairspray" that i auditioned for. I know one of the reasons was that i'm chubby and they didn't want to cast anyone that would "compete" (i guess you could say) with the person playing tracy. but i can't help but notice that i didn't get in because the ensemble is full of teenagers and i look too old to play a teenager. I can't control how old/young i look, and that bothers me the most. I want to be able to be in all kinds of musicals, but now i realize i can't no matter how hard i try.

I know I need to accept my body/character type, and i will with time. It just stinks that a lot of my friends are in "Hairspray" and i'm the only one that isn't because i look too old to play a teenager. I think it's good that i'm realizing this now though, so i can accept it in time to audition for colleges so i'll look more confident for the audition panels, although i've been told that i already look pretty confident on stage.

Going back to "Music Man", don't get me wrong, i'm having such a blast in the show and am so lucky to have been cast! I also know i'm blessed with the roles i've played (as well as the productions i've been in) and the people i've worked with over the years. i know there are a lot of roles i can play and shows i can be in, and "Hairspray" is just one i can't be in the ensemble in.

Thanks for reading this!

XOXO
Rachel